|
![]() |
© Paul D. Hatch
This poem may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.
© Paul D. Hatch
This poem may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.
![]() |
© Paul D. Hatch
This poem may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.
TOP
© Paul D. Hatch
This poem may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.
© Paul D. Hatch
This poem may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.
TOP
![]() |
© Paul D. Hatch
This poem may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.
© Paul D. Hatch
This poem may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.
![]() |
![]() |
© Paul D. Hatch
This poem may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.
© Paul D. Hatch
This poem may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.
Well, probably not an' I suspect they'd be insulted and abased.
If they knowed you'ze comparin' them to the human race!
Whatever strange and odd behavior in which cows may be involved.
You'd swear that by comparison, -- mankind just ain't evolved,,,
--to the high and lofty realm to which cowdom has ascended.
So lend an ear and buckle up 'cause you might just be offended.
Do cows in all of their stupidity ever spray or roll their underarm?
And when's the last time you saw a heifer wake up to an alarm.
Do cows of any breed or class ever light up a cigarette.
An' do they ever use a credit card and run up a massive debt?
I'll admit they might look funny without makeup or adorning.
But they look all day just as good as they looked in the morning.
Do cows ever snipe or gossip, do they bicker and complain?
Do they worry 'bout their suede jacket when it begins to rain?
Do they ever go on a diet, do they stress and fuss about their carbs?
Get upset and pout all day when they're the victim of some barbs?
They seldom need a beautician to do some sort of fancy braiding.
And they certainly ain't dumb enough to submit to microblading!!
They never need to lawyer up, the never see a shrink.
And seldom suffer from a hangover from anything they drink.
No bovine either young or old has ever wet the bed.
Nor do they wear a fitbit to count up each stair tread.
They may oft time marry cousins with no fear of double thumbs.
Nor worry if their new lifestyle may need both of their incomes.
Oh, I admit they can be trying, do stuff that makes no sense.
Ignore the open gate and climb up on the fence.
They may time their bathroom calls till you're on the milking stool.
Mostly their brains are wired to believe each day is April fool.
But in closing please consider when you compare yourself to things that moo.
That they must be confused and embarrassed by some things that you do.
And nowhere is there a cow dumb enough, - if you look the world around.
To actually buy a human person for three six bits a pound!!
© Paul D. Hatch
This poem may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.
I contemplated how human kind might take lessons from the beast.
"Cause with their smells an' potty habits, at the very least, --
They seldom lie nor gossip, an' they're sure not prone to hate.
An', thought I, it seems to me they don't never discriminate.
OR DO THEY?,, perhaps I'm just a bit early on acquittal.
So with my mixed libations, I morphed some Sherlock and Dolittle.
An' as I listened to the animals, I learned a thing or three.
Like fer instance you do know that there'ze a Killer Bee?
An' take the lowly fowl, if I were to use a tape recorder.
Would I catch them clucking out a chicken pecking order?
If I strained my earballs really hard an' heard a breed critique.
When Leghorns consider Wyandottes do they look down their beak?
What of cattle you may ask, they all seem to get along.
They all attend the same feed trough an' sing a common song.
I have observed that the Hereford with their lovely mottled hide.
Will sometimes shun the Angus, I just suspect, my friends,-- it's pride.
An' did you notice that them boy cows, who escaped the OPERATION,
Look with disdain upon steer brethren, now that's discrimination!
Behold the lowly little Shetland, is he a horse or is he not.
I don't think so says the Clydesdale,,, it's just some food for thought.
Now finally, consider the noble canine, Mans best friend, or so it's said.
But as I deciphered all their yappin', I realized instead, ---
That they're just biding time until their master looks away,
Then they'll flip the paw to some dejected lonely stray.
Now folks, do you think a Shitzu, if you're a Labrador Retriever,
Is part of their snobby canine group any more than a beaver?
An' if a Poodle coached a dog team, then I think you'd find settin' on the bench.
Every other breed of pooch, ---of course--- the Poodle as you know is French.
So in my contemplations I concluded, despite the ASPCA,--
That animals ain't always just the pure souls that they portray.
They will at times separate themselves simply based on breed or gender.
And somehow more oft than not the masculine will give up an' surrender.
AND FINALLY: To be a male of any species is to be a sad and forlorn fellow.
Devoid of even a bit of Marsh in their pathetic Mellow.
"Yes Maam", and "right away", and "please honey may I?"
Are phrases in both man and beast you learn when you're a guy.
Ask the frozen monarch penguin dude, who sets for weeks upon an egg.
Or the guy Black Widow spider who sets on a lunch time powder keg.
A King Bee, I don't think so, --- now folks that's discrimination!
And so as I end this little poem it's with some serious consternation.
And as the booze wears off a bit, - and I'm back to normal more or less,
I contemplate the role of maleness an' I simply must confess.
Though I may appear a bigot, I kinda like the Professor Higgins' plan.
In his immortal words my friend,, "Why can't a woman be more like a man?"
© Paul D. Hatch
This poem may not be reprinted or reposted without the author's written permission.
you'll love the pages at the BAR-D RANCH |
![]() | 1-800-654-2550 (928) 586-1077 ![]() headcowboy@baxterblack.com |